Every Tuesday You know, someday I’ll finish one of these on time… Ben brings you the creative endeavors that even DJ Reggie won’t touch.

This week: In Which Bloggers are Hypocritically Admonished.

“Now Ben,” you say. “Surely you’re not uncouth enough to suggest—in this liberated and forward-thinking forum, no less—that censorship could somehow be beneficial.” I respond in a hastily-written, error-filled comment, “wtf y cant everybody jsut, I must regrettably present A Case for Censorship…”

So it’s come to this: the “Too Many People Have Blogs” rant. Yes, it has, but hear me out.

Ryan Adams and Courtney Love recently jumped onto Tumblr for a little short-form, easily-categorized internetin’. Key admissions must be made. 1) I like Tumblr. I find it fun and useful for reasons I can’t entirely explain. 2) I like Ryan Adams. His ability to juxtapose gentle country and psycho rock freakouts encompasses pretty much everything I like about music. Technically, I also don’t mind Courtney Love. Hole made great, catchy pop grunge and her current antics are tragically amusing, like a squirrel trying to eat a fake hamburger. With those facts in mind, there may never be a more perfect case for the restriction of blog-having than these two.

At his edited musical best, RA is, shall we say, uneven. I worry—mostly because he used the pronunciation “excetera” on his last album (otherwise excellent)—his straight-from-the-mind-of output may tarnish my reverence for his tunes. And Courtney, Courtney, Courtney conveniently explains that her blog will clear her good name after a few unintelligible rants on her MySpace page. The presence of three superfluous LOLs indicates otherwise.

I’m sounding a little Larry King here, but you know what? I don’t care. I now realize I really don’t need to absorb every detail from every random weirdo on the internet. You hear that, internet? I’m striking at your tender, essential core!

How bad could these simple blogs possibly be? What depths of inanity, TMI-ness and slovenly grammar could be reached? Let’s take a look into the future, yeah?

• Courtney, 3/21/08 11:21 am
  A Most Intriguing Morning
  Could no longer contain my enthusiasm! I encountered M. Ryan Adams inspecting a diminutive porcelain elephant sculpture during a most enjoyable visit to the City of Roses–Portland he didn’t say ‘hi’ even though i ttly yelled HEY across the street then I ran across fcking street (same) and was like “RYAN sj, are you playing here tonight? hww can you stand the fucking weather? ha! ass!” I anxiously probed to determine his inclination to add a mild opening act (have been traveling with a Martin Backpacker, you never know when Sweet Lady Inspiration will strike!). He mumbled softly–such a shy fellow–and suggested we reconvene in Boise. Seems he has an interesting orchestral project there. But, perhaps I’ve said too much
  – turds n flowers, courtney
• Ryan, 3/22/08 3:48 am
  just bought this porcelain elephant [posts picture] at a suburban portland garage sale (don’t ask) / might use it as a doorstop / can’t decide how to fit porcelain elephant into song title / maybe “porcelain elephant (sunday morning), for rita” / also it’s a bebop-jazz album because thats sorta funny unexpected yknow get it / also i am now in tucson i walked here while i was typing this / “p.e. (s.m.), f. r.” ep now available / live cut up on website / back in boise oh didnt i tell you / rode mtn lion / new song “shark-jumping blogs, inc.” up on website / bluegrass / starting project called mountain lion / string quartet / features mountain lion / maybe just bass / tabla / pony?
• Courtney, 3/24/08 12:46 pm
  New Adventures Dawn
  Ah, a new week! New opportunities for intrigue and reinvigorating experiences!
  Played a small show with R.A. last weekend. Assuredly one of the strangest musical ensembles one could encounter! adams fnd fuckin string quartet in boise id! FUCK! The bass-playing mountain lion was an inspired touch, despite his knowledge of the material, which seemed shaky at best. An embarrassing incident closed the evening. A prankster, fairy or rogue of the highest order released the modest security of my brassiere, exposing the ladies for all to see. Minor chagrin ensued–unfortunately Mr. Loder of MTV was present as he often is for my publicly discomfiting moments.
  – eat condoms, Courtney
• Ryan, 3/28/08 6:33 am
  mtn lion rocked it
  pitchfork 4.5
  aholes
  next show in old-growth redwood forest
  not benefit show don’t make it like that
  “driving cars through redwoods” albm in ca stores only
  now
  free albm “mtn lion live in tulsa” with purchase
  second show that night
  mtn lion just quit
  damn
  turtle
  absinthe
  balsamic vinegar
  cucumbers
  brie
  couscous
  pinot
  igneous
  aaaaaaaa