Call me Ben. Consider me the jester to SD&IF’s regal court. I’ll pop up now and then to cavort and caper like a trained monkey, spreading mirth and joy while Tony wrestles heady issues to the ground and subdues them as if handling a rampaging, yet lovable trained circus bear.

“Now Ben,” you say. “Surely you’re not uncouth enough to suggest—in this liberated and forward-thinking forum, no less—that censorship could somehow be beneficial.” I chuckle softly, “Following ‘Party All the Time’ no-one suspected that there could be anything worse than one Eddie Murphy but here we are post-Norbit, so I must regrettably present A Case for Censorship…”

Opening Wilco’s “What Light,” Jeff Tweedy muses, “just sing what you feel / don’t let anyone say it’s wrong.” A noble sentiment, I must say, but surely Tweeds hadn’t considered the potential misery that could result from that simple blessing. In fact, I might even specifically blame him for Val Kilmer’s cover of “After the Gold Rush.” Listen, listen, Mr. Tweedy upon what your encouragement has wrought. Listen and be ashamed. Sing it with me, now: “Well I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming…”

Ben doesn’t really believe that Jeff Tweedy’s lyrics inspired Val Kilmer to perpetrate that monstrosity. A Case for Censorship runs every Tuesday.